Mass email sent Dec 23 2004
Hello everyone,
I am sure all of you are getting ready for a wonderful holiday break and looking forward to spending some time with family and friends. I wanted to write and wish you some holiday cheer and to also share some stories.
Bye Bye Babylon
Well, we had to leave our beloved Babylon. Now, it wasn’t like it was a resort area or anything, but it was nice to be living in an historical and interesting area. But, nothing is permanent and we were asked to move to Ad Diwaniyah which is about 120 kms south of Babylon. Now the Army has a saying “trying to fit 20 lbs of shit in a 5 lb bag” (sorry for the French). But that is exactly the way it is here at Camp Echo. This place is designed for about 1,500 and of course we are trying to fit 3,500 here. You can’t walk ten feet without tripping over some Pollack, Bulgarian, Hungarian, Mongolian or some other “ian”.
You should write a book
I have become close friends with several members of a British owned private security firm. These guys have spent years in either the British or South African Special Forces. Anyway, one night we were sitting around and they were telling war stories - the stuff out of Clancy novels. One gentleman was warmly reminiscing about how he was struck in the back by the fins of a RPG. The only damage was that “it cut my suspenders and caused a little internal bleeding”. Holy Hell! There was a pause in the conversation and I decided to offer my own story which involved nearly cutting off my index finger while trying to open a box of crackers (don’t laugh – I nearly cut the tendon). Well of course it came off as one of those “one time at Band Camp moments” and everyone had a good laugh.
At one point I made the comment “you sumabitches outta write a book”. At that time a gentleman named Keith said “Hold on chap” and came back with a hardback book with his face on the cover entitled “The Life of a Mercenary” Holy Hell #2. The kicker is that the book was written by the founder of “Soldier of Fortune” Magazine.
The Polish Prime Minister just walked in – hold on (really – I am not joking).
10 for you, one for me
On our convoys we frequently take large bags of candy to toss to the Iraqi children that are waiting anxiously by the road. It is an enjoyable exercise because the children seem to love the treats and I have implemented my own 10 for them one for me rule. During one of our latest trips, we came upon a group of about six young Iraqi boys (10-12 years old). They were waiting for the candy and we of course tossed them handfuls. However, one of the boys “flipped us off” and then spit at the vehicle. After my initial reaction which was “hey that little bastard just spit at us, turn this thing around” I realized that he was much too young to have personalized that kind of resentment. He must have learned it from his parents or the adult leaders in his village.
It is a shame how hatred for one another can continue and grow especially when it starts at such a young age. And it reminded me that we as parents have a responsibility to our children and to be mindful that they are constantly watching us and listening to our words for guidance on how they should view the world.
Bottom George the WITCH DOCTOR is doing fine
Since I work two night shifts and three day shifts per week my sleep clock is all screwed up. I mentioned my problems sleeping to Bottom George and he suggested a “sedixtive”. The next day he gave me about four little white pills and said with a grin, “these make you very relaxed”. I decided to take one after a long day shift and “holy Jessica Parker”. Immediately I somewhat regretted taken some Mongolian “special” pill, I woke up 16 hours later feeling like I had been run over. I still have a nervous twitch, little bastard.
Good Bye Ted
Major Ted Korontjis is a state patrolman from the Boston area. He is about my height, but weighs 210-215 lbs. He has been an active bodybuilder for several years and has the arms to prove it. Over the past few months, Ted and I became great friends and running partners. We took great pride in training for the physical fitness test together and doing a helluva job on the run part.
As an avid Red Sox fan, we all shared in his joy when the cursed Sox finally won the big one. Anyway, Ted’s time with us came to a close and he had to rejoin his unit in south Iraq. That is one of the bad things about these missions, you spend so much time with good people and you grow to appreciate their friendship. So here’s to Ted, I hope he has a safe trip home and I know his son will be overjoyed to see his dad again. He is a great guy. Of course when I get home, I am going to Boston to whip his ass in his hometown.
With apologies to my Texas relatives and friends, Tennessee is going to WHOP Texas A&M in the Cotton Bowl.
Christmas
Many people have asked me that since I am Buddhist do I celebrate Christmas. Hey, I celebrate any holiday that involves me getting presents!
If you are wondering, we are planning a small get together on Christmas day. Nothing special, just something to remind ourselves that it is Christmas.
Well folks that just about does it for this time. The thing I love about the holidays is that when all of the presents have been opened and all of the great food has been enjoyed there is a special moment. It is a fleeting moment when one gets that sincere sensation of happiness and peace and that for a split second everything is right in the world.
So for you my dear friends, my wish for you is that that moment of happiness is with you throughout the New Year.
Happy Holidays everyone and have a wonderful New Year
Sincerely,
Daniel
Friday, November 26, 2004
MASS Email sent on Sept. 2, 2004
Hello Everyone,
I haven't written for some time and I hope that everyone is well.
Funny, I don't remember asking for a wake up call . . . (Wed. August 11th at 2:30 pm)
I don't know if you have ever heard an 82 mm mortar round explode 500 meters away from you but aside from the obvious "kaboom" it has a very distinct "Get the hell out of bed - NOW" tone to it. My roommate (Paul) and I were taking a nap to get ready to work the night shift when the first round hit. After a few seconds of "What the hells" and jumping out of bed the second one hit a little closer. We quickly jumped up and got our "battle gear" on and ran out of our container. Outside we were met with about 15 Polish and other soldiers from across the globe running towards us to get into the above ground bunkers.
By this time the third round had hit and Paul and I started directing traffic while we were trying to figure out what direction the rounds were coming from. Now, some of you may ask why we did not get into the shelters ourselves. Well, being an Artillery Officer I had some idea where the rounds were impacting and I knew that I had a few more rounds before they got really close. And believe me I would have rather been shot before I climbed in there with those half naked (they really love to sunbathe in their speedos) sweaty Polish soldiers (that sight will make you sick).
Several seconds after the eighth round, Paul and I considered it safe to go and check the area. One round hit about five feet from the building that we work in and there were several small craters. Of course you can imagine that people were running around trying to ascertain the situation. I saw my first combat injury when a Polish soldier was pulled from a building with his right badly wounded.
I heard a story about a Polish soldier that was in a Port a John when the first round hit. Shrapnel actually when through the Port a John he was in. Apparently this soldier went home a few days later. Now, believe me I really want to come home, but I think that I will try a safer method.
Everything calmed down pretty quickly and our routine started again, but it was quite the wake up.
Hello Baghdad . . .
I had already planned to take a convoy to Baghdad on Thursday. I needed to get out of here and after Wednesday's events; I thought that it might be safer to not be here. The best way I can describe us going to Baghdad is liken to if you lived in a suburb and you went into the city. We basically have the same stuff; it is just nice to get out of town for a day.
Camp Victory is not in the green zone, it is actually located at Victory Palace. Yes another palace. This place is HUGE and apparently the US has spent a great deal of money to maintain it.
The convoy to and from Baghdad takes you through several small villages. And the road is lined with several Iraqi children all waving and giving the thumbs up. That sight brings it all into perspective and you quickly realize that it is the lives and the future of these children and all the children of the world that should be of the utmost importance.
When we got back "home" we learned that there was some intelligence noting that there would be another mortar attack from 1:00 am to 3:00 am. Well, I stayed up to see the fireworks. And it was around 2:30 am when I looked around and saw our friend Bottom George covered from head to toe with a helmet and body armor. All I could see was his huge grin and it was that moment that I realized that at some point in the past 37 years I had made some bad choices.
Of course nothing happened, but the next day a Polish convoy was hit with a car bomb on the same road that I was on less than 12 hours before. The loss of a soldier is always rough, but what was worse is thinking about those children. I hope none of them got hurt.
So long Matt, HELLO Elvis!!
I may have mentioned my friend Major Matt Maynard from England. In six short weeks he became a good friend and he will be dearly missed. In honor of him going home we held a small get together. When I arrived I was welcomed by Matt dressed in a white dinner jacket and full accessories. Those Brits really do have style when it comes to war!!
It was a great evening and a few hours later Matt appeared dressed in his Elvis jump suit complete with Hawaiian lays. So, Elvis lip synced some of his most popular hits and that concluded the evening.
Well, that is about it for now. Could write more but I am tired of writing and I would not be surprised if you may be tired of reading.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Labor Day and please remember that the University of Tennessee's quest for a national championship starts on Sept. 5th.
Hello Everyone,
I haven't written for some time and I hope that everyone is well.
Funny, I don't remember asking for a wake up call . . . (Wed. August 11th at 2:30 pm)
I don't know if you have ever heard an 82 mm mortar round explode 500 meters away from you but aside from the obvious "kaboom" it has a very distinct "Get the hell out of bed - NOW" tone to it. My roommate (Paul) and I were taking a nap to get ready to work the night shift when the first round hit. After a few seconds of "What the hells" and jumping out of bed the second one hit a little closer. We quickly jumped up and got our "battle gear" on and ran out of our container. Outside we were met with about 15 Polish and other soldiers from across the globe running towards us to get into the above ground bunkers.
By this time the third round had hit and Paul and I started directing traffic while we were trying to figure out what direction the rounds were coming from. Now, some of you may ask why we did not get into the shelters ourselves. Well, being an Artillery Officer I had some idea where the rounds were impacting and I knew that I had a few more rounds before they got really close. And believe me I would have rather been shot before I climbed in there with those half naked (they really love to sunbathe in their speedos) sweaty Polish soldiers (that sight will make you sick).
Several seconds after the eighth round, Paul and I considered it safe to go and check the area. One round hit about five feet from the building that we work in and there were several small craters. Of course you can imagine that people were running around trying to ascertain the situation. I saw my first combat injury when a Polish soldier was pulled from a building with his right badly wounded.
I heard a story about a Polish soldier that was in a Port a John when the first round hit. Shrapnel actually when through the Port a John he was in. Apparently this soldier went home a few days later. Now, believe me I really want to come home, but I think that I will try a safer method.
Everything calmed down pretty quickly and our routine started again, but it was quite the wake up.
Hello Baghdad . . .
I had already planned to take a convoy to Baghdad on Thursday. I needed to get out of here and after Wednesday's events; I thought that it might be safer to not be here. The best way I can describe us going to Baghdad is liken to if you lived in a suburb and you went into the city. We basically have the same stuff; it is just nice to get out of town for a day.
Camp Victory is not in the green zone, it is actually located at Victory Palace. Yes another palace. This place is HUGE and apparently the US has spent a great deal of money to maintain it.
The convoy to and from Baghdad takes you through several small villages. And the road is lined with several Iraqi children all waving and giving the thumbs up. That sight brings it all into perspective and you quickly realize that it is the lives and the future of these children and all the children of the world that should be of the utmost importance.
When we got back "home" we learned that there was some intelligence noting that there would be another mortar attack from 1:00 am to 3:00 am. Well, I stayed up to see the fireworks. And it was around 2:30 am when I looked around and saw our friend Bottom George covered from head to toe with a helmet and body armor. All I could see was his huge grin and it was that moment that I realized that at some point in the past 37 years I had made some bad choices.
Of course nothing happened, but the next day a Polish convoy was hit with a car bomb on the same road that I was on less than 12 hours before. The loss of a soldier is always rough, but what was worse is thinking about those children. I hope none of them got hurt.
So long Matt, HELLO Elvis!!
I may have mentioned my friend Major Matt Maynard from England. In six short weeks he became a good friend and he will be dearly missed. In honor of him going home we held a small get together. When I arrived I was welcomed by Matt dressed in a white dinner jacket and full accessories. Those Brits really do have style when it comes to war!!
It was a great evening and a few hours later Matt appeared dressed in his Elvis jump suit complete with Hawaiian lays. So, Elvis lip synced some of his most popular hits and that concluded the evening.
Well, that is about it for now. Could write more but I am tired of writing and I would not be surprised if you may be tired of reading.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Labor Day and please remember that the University of Tennessee's quest for a national championship starts on Sept. 5th.
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Mass Email Sent 12 Oct
Hello everyone,
Sorry it has been sometime since my last update. Thank you all for the great emails, they really make the time here easier. To celebrate our first three months here, I thought that I would list a few things that I have learned, done, seen during the last 90 days (some fact some fiction).
* Don't ask a guy from Kazakhstan where he is from, 20 minutes later you will still have no idea and your head will hurt
* Iraqi dogs bark with an Iraqi accent (it is really kind of spooky)
* It only takes one Polish guy to screw in a light bulb, but since he is in the Army, it takes 15 Polish guys to write the order.
* I have been unable to prove or disprove the urban legend that camel spiders can run up to 10 mph. Every time I have seen one I usually run about 12 mph in the other direction.
* Even though he looks just like a miniature Borris Yeltsen, do not call the Polish Commanding General Lil Borris to his face it pisses him off.
* When you are speaking with someone from a foreign country, just talk real loud and real slow.
* When in Iraq and someone yells "Duck" just do it and don't ask why. Apparently there are no ducks in Iraq.
* When attending a celebratory Polish dinner and a Polish General Officer says "Daniel, drink this- DON'T - it will only lead to no good. (don't know why he would be calling you Daniel either)
* Do not fire your weapon in downtown Baghdad just for the fun of it - all hell breaks loose and it really pisses people off.
* "Elections? Uh,What elections?" Direct quote from anybody.
* We don't need another 4 point, 5 point or 6 point plan for Iraqi freedom. We need a ONE point plan of getting us the hell out of here.
* Contrary to another popular urban legend, you cannot get intoxicated by drinking 24 O'Doul's. You will just wind up with a bad case of the vapors and a headache.
* UT Fans, Alabama fans, Auburn Fans, and Florida Fans hate each other even during combat.
* You can't really cuss out a Polish solider, they take all the funny out of it by asking "Daniel, but what do you mean by boot in my ass"
On one of my trips to Baghdad I went to the Baghdad International Airport. Now this place is relative to a mid size city airport much like Cleveland, St. Louis, etc. So, it is pretty big, however the scary thing about it is that it is completely deserted. There is only about ten people there providing security. The parking garage is empty with a great deal of trash scattered around.
I am telling you this place is like a set from "Planet of the Apes" or "Escape from New York".Inside there are several lights on, but really it looks as if the people had just vanished. I expected to see Charlton Heston come running around the corner being chased by a bunch of mad apes. Oh, and there is a bomb shelter. Which is somewhat confusing, because if Saddam was really a peace loving person, why would you need a bomb shelter in your airport?
There really is no plan to get us out of here soon. First, we are hearing about rotations well into 2007 and on a recent trip to Baghdad a contractor in charge of emplacing fiber optics said "do you really think that we would go to the trouble of building hundreds of miles of fiber optics if we were planning to leave?"
Bottom George " Don't go to War without him".
For those of you who are curious. Bottom George is doing just fine. He is actually quite accomplished at playing chess and table tennis. We are trying to teach him all the cuss words that we know and he is getting them but he does mix up the context sometimes. (Would elaborate, but it might be offensive to some)
Looks like it is going to be a family reunion
My dear friends Steven Finney and Jim Kondrat will be here very soon. Actually Steven is already in Kuwait and I hope to see him soon. Jim will be here in six weeks. And, my old Field Artillery unit, whose top NCO and dear friend, Dan Bowman, will be mobilizing later this year. Those guys are like brothers to me and I sure as hell did not want to see them in this shit hole.
Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers and especially the young men of the 2/123rd Field Artillery Battalion.
I hope everyone is doing well and you are planning for a great Halloween. I would roll other peoples containers with toilet paper, but I am sure they would know who it was and they would not get the joke.
Sincerely,
Daniel
Hello everyone,
Sorry it has been sometime since my last update. Thank you all for the great emails, they really make the time here easier. To celebrate our first three months here, I thought that I would list a few things that I have learned, done, seen during the last 90 days (some fact some fiction).
* Don't ask a guy from Kazakhstan where he is from, 20 minutes later you will still have no idea and your head will hurt
* Iraqi dogs bark with an Iraqi accent (it is really kind of spooky)
* It only takes one Polish guy to screw in a light bulb, but since he is in the Army, it takes 15 Polish guys to write the order.
* I have been unable to prove or disprove the urban legend that camel spiders can run up to 10 mph. Every time I have seen one I usually run about 12 mph in the other direction.
* Even though he looks just like a miniature Borris Yeltsen, do not call the Polish Commanding General Lil Borris to his face it pisses him off.
* When you are speaking with someone from a foreign country, just talk real loud and real slow.
* When in Iraq and someone yells "Duck" just do it and don't ask why. Apparently there are no ducks in Iraq.
* When attending a celebratory Polish dinner and a Polish General Officer says "Daniel, drink this- DON'T - it will only lead to no good. (don't know why he would be calling you Daniel either)
* Do not fire your weapon in downtown Baghdad just for the fun of it - all hell breaks loose and it really pisses people off.
* "Elections? Uh,What elections?" Direct quote from anybody.
* We don't need another 4 point, 5 point or 6 point plan for Iraqi freedom. We need a ONE point plan of getting us the hell out of here.
* Contrary to another popular urban legend, you cannot get intoxicated by drinking 24 O'Doul's. You will just wind up with a bad case of the vapors and a headache.
* UT Fans, Alabama fans, Auburn Fans, and Florida Fans hate each other even during combat.
* You can't really cuss out a Polish solider, they take all the funny out of it by asking "Daniel, but what do you mean by boot in my ass"
On one of my trips to Baghdad I went to the Baghdad International Airport. Now this place is relative to a mid size city airport much like Cleveland, St. Louis, etc. So, it is pretty big, however the scary thing about it is that it is completely deserted. There is only about ten people there providing security. The parking garage is empty with a great deal of trash scattered around.
I am telling you this place is like a set from "Planet of the Apes" or "Escape from New York".Inside there are several lights on, but really it looks as if the people had just vanished. I expected to see Charlton Heston come running around the corner being chased by a bunch of mad apes. Oh, and there is a bomb shelter. Which is somewhat confusing, because if Saddam was really a peace loving person, why would you need a bomb shelter in your airport?
There really is no plan to get us out of here soon. First, we are hearing about rotations well into 2007 and on a recent trip to Baghdad a contractor in charge of emplacing fiber optics said "do you really think that we would go to the trouble of building hundreds of miles of fiber optics if we were planning to leave?"
Bottom George " Don't go to War without him".
For those of you who are curious. Bottom George is doing just fine. He is actually quite accomplished at playing chess and table tennis. We are trying to teach him all the cuss words that we know and he is getting them but he does mix up the context sometimes. (Would elaborate, but it might be offensive to some)
Looks like it is going to be a family reunion
My dear friends Steven Finney and Jim Kondrat will be here very soon. Actually Steven is already in Kuwait and I hope to see him soon. Jim will be here in six weeks. And, my old Field Artillery unit, whose top NCO and dear friend, Dan Bowman, will be mobilizing later this year. Those guys are like brothers to me and I sure as hell did not want to see them in this shit hole.
Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers and especially the young men of the 2/123rd Field Artillery Battalion.
I hope everyone is doing well and you are planning for a great Halloween. I would roll other peoples containers with toilet paper, but I am sure they would know who it was and they would not get the joke.
Sincerely,
Daniel
Mass Email Sent on Nov. 10, 2004
Hello everyone,
I hope all of you had a wonderful Halloween. I would say something lame like "we all dressed up like soldiers" but I won't do that to you. So let's see what is going on:
1:30 AM
Okay, it is 1:30 am here and I am working in the Division's Operational Center (like I always do). Obviously the global war on terror is not taxing me to the point that I can not find the time to write this email. We have two televisions going, one tuned to CNN International (our intel source) and one is tuned to a Russian station. A couple of Ukrainians are watching a Russian variety show saluting the Russian Police. I have had to hide all of the sharp pointed objects from myself due to my fear that I may involuntarily jab both my eyes out. I know this is not the "Buddhist" thing to say, but those guys are just weird. CNN is not much better.
Role Playing
I thought it might be fun for you guys to have a script to act out during your next social gathering. This is a short script of a real experience of mine. Iqor (I am not making this stuff up) is a Ukrainian officer, so whoever plays him needs to speak very slowly with a heavy Russian accent. Daniel, that is me, is a great guy and you know how I talk (watch it). Okay here we go . . .
Igor: Sir, can you help me?
Daniel: Sure, Whats up?
Igor: Sir, Prime Minister wants to know exact time of landing of aircraft
Daniel: Sure, what type of aircraft?
Igor: (blank stare) Uhhhhh
Daniel: Alright, where was it supposed to land?
Igor: Baghdad
Daniel: Then it must be a fix wing aircraft.
Igor: Uhhhh
Daniel: Okay, where was the aircraft coming from?
Igor: Ukraine
Daniel: And what was on the aircraft?
Igor: Children
Daniel: Uh - Children?
Igor: yes
Daniel: You sent a plane load of Ukrainian children to Iraq?
Igor: BLANK STARE with a fog around head
Daniel: You have got to be *(#(%##!$# (enter favorite expletive here) kidding me, You sent a plane load of children here?
Igor: Yes, and Prime Minister wants to know . . .
Daniel: I KNOW, I KNOW
Well, I called Baghdad International (military side) and asked this other officer I work with if he had a plane load of Ukrainian children there. He asked "what the hell are they doing sending a plane load of children here" after a few minutes we gave up trying to understand. Come to find out that the Ukrainian government had sent some IRAQI children to the Ukraine for holiday. Now that was a nice gesture. But, that is an example of the difficulties we have with daily conversations.
Sometimes simple correspondence turns into a Abbott and Costello skit. I constantly get questions like "Daniel, how do you say - See you later" since I am somewhat of smart ass I respond with "goodbye"
Beautiful Iraq
Now all of you know that to me there is no place as beautiful as my beloved Tennessee. But, let me tell you this place gives her a run for the money. We are in the rainy season and OH BOY is it fun. One would think that the arid soil would just love the rain, But NOOOO, the rain just sits there and mixes with the dirt into a kind of clay from hell. And it is slick too! The other morning I was walking to work and I looked like Burt Young (playing Paulie) walking in the snow in Rocky 4. Lovely just lovely.
This just in - The Red Sox could still lose the World Series.
Election news
WHEW! Oh my, I am sure all of you spent the evening on pins and needles just as I did. And I heard the universal sigh of relief when we all got the news that Mayor Brock Hill had won a bid for a second term as Mayor of Crossville, TN. Thank goodness that ugliness is behind us and we can all move forward toward a brighter future.
I also know that some of you were concerned about the national elections. Who was running again? Okay I joke and many of you have written to me to express your concerns and that you were going to vote for the candidate that would end this conflict. For that I am very appreciative. Also, many of you have inquired as to the political opinions of my counterparts. Well, as you can imagine, most of my fellow soldiers are die hard republicans. But some of my more intellengent friends, such as myself, are able to view issues from both sides and make up our minds without having to pull the party line 100% of the time.
I voted for Bush. Now, I don't agree with his evangelical Christan ways of running the country. But, he got us into the mess and he should get us out of it. We will see. I was concerned that trying to change directions in mid stream would not benefit anyone. I agree with my friend Jim in that I am more afraid of the people surrounding President Bush than I am of the President. Okay, that is going to piss off Mr. Warrior, but if he wants to come on over for his ass whoppin - then he is more than welcomed. Note: for those of you who don't know, The Warrior or The Ultimate Warrior (see email list) was/is one of the most successful and influential people/characters in the history of Professional Wrestling, he now spends his time as a successful conservative speaker and writer. We have communicated for a few years now and I have found him to be very intelligent, extremely well read, and articulate in expressing his ideals - and yes we do disagree sometimes.
This just in - Congratulations to the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame who defeated the 9th ranked University of Tennessee Volunteers. You are still a bunch of Bastards
Fallujah
Man I would hate to be waiting in line for a box of Krispy Kremes in that town (Right now - I would give a kidney for a box). Hats off to the United States Marines, those guys really don't play well with others. They are a force to be reckoned with.
CNN reported that some of the military leaders were expected to see more fighting from the insurgents there. Could it be that they left? Could they have heard that we were coming? They are bad guys/terrorists - not stupid. Example, a Major was telling me that he attended a secret briefing from General Metz outlining the plan for Fallujah and 10 minutes later the entire plan was reported on CNN. UH DUH! The bad guys have TV too!
No, I am not there kicking down doors. However, we have are our problems here in this part of the country.
Well, the Russian variety show has ended (thank God) and I should get back to work.
We have been here for four months now and I cannot express what your emails and warm wishes mean to me. They have really help me make it through the days. Thank you all. I wish all of you a wonderful Thanksgiving and please write when you can.
PS For those of you who did not find the humor in the footage of Castro falling on stage, I apologize. I just can't help but to grin or at least snicker when I see someone fall. Sorry, sometimes I am still just a little kid.
Hello everyone,
I hope all of you had a wonderful Halloween. I would say something lame like "we all dressed up like soldiers" but I won't do that to you. So let's see what is going on:
1:30 AM
Okay, it is 1:30 am here and I am working in the Division's Operational Center (like I always do). Obviously the global war on terror is not taxing me to the point that I can not find the time to write this email. We have two televisions going, one tuned to CNN International (our intel source) and one is tuned to a Russian station. A couple of Ukrainians are watching a Russian variety show saluting the Russian Police. I have had to hide all of the sharp pointed objects from myself due to my fear that I may involuntarily jab both my eyes out. I know this is not the "Buddhist" thing to say, but those guys are just weird. CNN is not much better.
Role Playing
I thought it might be fun for you guys to have a script to act out during your next social gathering. This is a short script of a real experience of mine. Iqor (I am not making this stuff up) is a Ukrainian officer, so whoever plays him needs to speak very slowly with a heavy Russian accent. Daniel, that is me, is a great guy and you know how I talk (watch it). Okay here we go . . .
Igor: Sir, can you help me?
Daniel: Sure, Whats up?
Igor: Sir, Prime Minister wants to know exact time of landing of aircraft
Daniel: Sure, what type of aircraft?
Igor: (blank stare) Uhhhhh
Daniel: Alright, where was it supposed to land?
Igor: Baghdad
Daniel: Then it must be a fix wing aircraft.
Igor: Uhhhh
Daniel: Okay, where was the aircraft coming from?
Igor: Ukraine
Daniel: And what was on the aircraft?
Igor: Children
Daniel: Uh - Children?
Igor: yes
Daniel: You sent a plane load of Ukrainian children to Iraq?
Igor: BLANK STARE with a fog around head
Daniel: You have got to be *(#(%##!$# (enter favorite expletive here) kidding me, You sent a plane load of children here?
Igor: Yes, and Prime Minister wants to know . . .
Daniel: I KNOW, I KNOW
Well, I called Baghdad International (military side) and asked this other officer I work with if he had a plane load of Ukrainian children there. He asked "what the hell are they doing sending a plane load of children here" after a few minutes we gave up trying to understand. Come to find out that the Ukrainian government had sent some IRAQI children to the Ukraine for holiday. Now that was a nice gesture. But, that is an example of the difficulties we have with daily conversations.
Sometimes simple correspondence turns into a Abbott and Costello skit. I constantly get questions like "Daniel, how do you say - See you later" since I am somewhat of smart ass I respond with "goodbye"
Beautiful Iraq
Now all of you know that to me there is no place as beautiful as my beloved Tennessee. But, let me tell you this place gives her a run for the money. We are in the rainy season and OH BOY is it fun. One would think that the arid soil would just love the rain, But NOOOO, the rain just sits there and mixes with the dirt into a kind of clay from hell. And it is slick too! The other morning I was walking to work and I looked like Burt Young (playing Paulie) walking in the snow in Rocky 4. Lovely just lovely.
This just in - The Red Sox could still lose the World Series.
Election news
WHEW! Oh my, I am sure all of you spent the evening on pins and needles just as I did. And I heard the universal sigh of relief when we all got the news that Mayor Brock Hill had won a bid for a second term as Mayor of Crossville, TN. Thank goodness that ugliness is behind us and we can all move forward toward a brighter future.
I also know that some of you were concerned about the national elections. Who was running again? Okay I joke and many of you have written to me to express your concerns and that you were going to vote for the candidate that would end this conflict. For that I am very appreciative. Also, many of you have inquired as to the political opinions of my counterparts. Well, as you can imagine, most of my fellow soldiers are die hard republicans. But some of my more intellengent friends, such as myself, are able to view issues from both sides and make up our minds without having to pull the party line 100% of the time.
I voted for Bush. Now, I don't agree with his evangelical Christan ways of running the country. But, he got us into the mess and he should get us out of it. We will see. I was concerned that trying to change directions in mid stream would not benefit anyone. I agree with my friend Jim in that I am more afraid of the people surrounding President Bush than I am of the President. Okay, that is going to piss off Mr. Warrior, but if he wants to come on over for his ass whoppin - then he is more than welcomed. Note: for those of you who don't know, The Warrior or The Ultimate Warrior (see email list) was/is one of the most successful and influential people/characters in the history of Professional Wrestling, he now spends his time as a successful conservative speaker and writer. We have communicated for a few years now and I have found him to be very intelligent, extremely well read, and articulate in expressing his ideals - and yes we do disagree sometimes.
This just in - Congratulations to the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame who defeated the 9th ranked University of Tennessee Volunteers. You are still a bunch of Bastards
Fallujah
Man I would hate to be waiting in line for a box of Krispy Kremes in that town (Right now - I would give a kidney for a box). Hats off to the United States Marines, those guys really don't play well with others. They are a force to be reckoned with.
CNN reported that some of the military leaders were expected to see more fighting from the insurgents there. Could it be that they left? Could they have heard that we were coming? They are bad guys/terrorists - not stupid. Example, a Major was telling me that he attended a secret briefing from General Metz outlining the plan for Fallujah and 10 minutes later the entire plan was reported on CNN. UH DUH! The bad guys have TV too!
No, I am not there kicking down doors. However, we have are our problems here in this part of the country.
Well, the Russian variety show has ended (thank God) and I should get back to work.
We have been here for four months now and I cannot express what your emails and warm wishes mean to me. They have really help me make it through the days. Thank you all. I wish all of you a wonderful Thanksgiving and please write when you can.
PS For those of you who did not find the humor in the footage of Castro falling on stage, I apologize. I just can't help but to grin or at least snicker when I see someone fall. Sorry, sometimes I am still just a little kid.
